Has it been a while? No, a year isn't that long of a time... Oops.
What has changed? I found a new best friend, and found myself the happiest I've been since before High School started. It was fantastic, she was the tweedle-dee to my tweedle-dum. Unfortunately, this summer we had a falling out. So, a year later I am practically in the same sort of boat as I was before. I feel rather terrible when I'm outside of school, spazz when I feel like I don't fit in/belong, and am as lonely as I've been in a while. I don't get along with my parents half of the time, and only get along with myself a quarter of the time.
And yet, at the same time, I am more social, and on occasion have magnificent days, in which nothing bothers me and I am constantly happy.
I don't really know what I'm doing. But, I know that blogging in an anonymous sort of manner helps. So, I'm back.
Girl Uninspired
Showing posts with label Introduction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Introduction. Show all posts
December 13, 2010
September 7, 2009
Hello
Hello, interweb and all of it's inhabitants. I am a sixteen year old girl, and I live in the United States. I love to create, and want to share how I create, what I create and why I create, with all of you. I like to draw, and write and play music. But, I seem to have hit a road block. My inspiration is dwindling, and I seem to have to fight myself to try and do anything.
I was diagnosed with Depression this past summer, so everything has been a bit, well, hard. It started (I think) a few years back, freshman year of high school. My motivation began to decrease, along with a few grades, in the classes where more work is required. I have always been a pessimist, but my view on life, and other people, began to get increasingly more negative. I was unable to find a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I could not sleep at night, due to a restless mind. Well, and a big thing that disturbed my life, we willl call that thing 'X.' I met X freshman year, and I am sure that X is reason for many of my problems. It is not that I am looking for a scape goat, it is that X put me through my own personal hell.
Back to the Depression. While I have a clinical case, I have not, and shall never be, Suicidal. Luckily, I was brought up to be strong in my faith. And I fear pain. I have a tendancy to over think and make lists of pros and cons. On the top of the con list for suicide, you have 'Miss and live.' I am betting that it would hurt a lot. That, and I feel like Suicide is not only going against the rule, 'Thou shalt not kill,' but It is the Coward's way out. Then again, I have always had problems sympothizing with those who try to hurt or kill themselves. I guess I am not numb enough to understand. and I do not want to be.
So now you know that I am depressed, which is important to know, but Let me get to the point of this blog. I am an artistic person by nature. I thrive to create things, whether they be visual, or words or music, it does not matter. My problem is that, for me to create, I need to bring the passion back. I some times can not force myself to do anything other then laying around and watching the Harry Potter and Narnia movies over and over again. Or, sometimes I lay on my bedroom floor, doing nothing for hours. What I am trying to say is, I want to find a way to motivate myself. I want to feel important for once in my life. I want people to know me for me, and to look toward me for the support that I was never given. I want a connection that will help me reach my potential, even though there is a thick fog keeping me from seeing it, and myself. I do not know if I will change for the better, but I want to change, for good.
The Girl Uninspired
I was diagnosed with Depression this past summer, so everything has been a bit, well, hard. It started (I think) a few years back, freshman year of high school. My motivation began to decrease, along with a few grades, in the classes where more work is required. I have always been a pessimist, but my view on life, and other people, began to get increasingly more negative. I was unable to find a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I could not sleep at night, due to a restless mind. Well, and a big thing that disturbed my life, we willl call that thing 'X.' I met X freshman year, and I am sure that X is reason for many of my problems. It is not that I am looking for a scape goat, it is that X put me through my own personal hell.
Back to the Depression. While I have a clinical case, I have not, and shall never be, Suicidal. Luckily, I was brought up to be strong in my faith. And I fear pain. I have a tendancy to over think and make lists of pros and cons. On the top of the con list for suicide, you have 'Miss and live.' I am betting that it would hurt a lot. That, and I feel like Suicide is not only going against the rule, 'Thou shalt not kill,' but It is the Coward's way out. Then again, I have always had problems sympothizing with those who try to hurt or kill themselves. I guess I am not numb enough to understand. and I do not want to be.
So now you know that I am depressed, which is important to know, but Let me get to the point of this blog. I am an artistic person by nature. I thrive to create things, whether they be visual, or words or music, it does not matter. My problem is that, for me to create, I need to bring the passion back. I some times can not force myself to do anything other then laying around and watching the Harry Potter and Narnia movies over and over again. Or, sometimes I lay on my bedroom floor, doing nothing for hours. What I am trying to say is, I want to find a way to motivate myself. I want to feel important for once in my life. I want people to know me for me, and to look toward me for the support that I was never given. I want a connection that will help me reach my potential, even though there is a thick fog keeping me from seeing it, and myself. I do not know if I will change for the better, but I want to change, for good.
The Girl Uninspired
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