Hello

Hello, interweb and all of it's inhabitants. I am a sixteen year old girl, and I live in the United States. I love to create, and want to share how I create, what I create and why I create, with all of you. I like to draw, and write and play music. But, I seem to have hit a road block. My inspiration is dwindling, and I seem to have to fight myself to try and do anything.
I was diagnosed with Depression this past summer, so everything has been a bit, well, hard. It started (I think) a few years back, freshman year of high school. My motivation began to decrease, along with a few grades, in the classes where more work is required. I have always been a pessimist, but my view on life, and other people, began to get increasingly more negative. I was unable to find a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I could not sleep at night, due to a restless mind. Well, and a big thing that disturbed my life, we willl call that thing 'X.' I met X freshman year, and I am sure that X is reason for many of my problems. It is not that I am looking for a scape goat, it is that X put me through my own personal hell.
Back to the Depression. While I have a clinical case, I have not, and shall never be, Suicidal. Luckily, I was brought up to be strong in my faith. And I fear pain. I have a tendancy to over think and make lists of pros and cons. On the top of the con list for suicide, you have 'Miss and live.' I am betting that it would hurt a lot. That, and I feel like Suicide is not only going against the rule, 'Thou shalt not kill,' but It is the Coward's way out. Then again, I have always had problems sympothizing with those who try to hurt or kill themselves. I guess I am not numb enough to understand. and I do not want to be.
So now you know that I am depressed, which is important to know, but Let me get to the point of this blog. I am an artistic person by nature. I thrive to create things, whether they be visual, or words or music, it does not matter. My problem is that, for me to create, I need to bring the passion back. I some times can not force myself to do anything other then laying around and watching the Harry Potter and Narnia movies over and over again. Or, sometimes I lay on my bedroom floor, doing nothing for hours. What I am trying to say is, I want to find a way to motivate myself. I want to feel important for once in my life. I want people to know me for me, and to look toward me for the support that I was never given. I want a connection that will help me reach my potential, even though there is a thick fog keeping me from seeing it, and myself. I do not know if I will change for the better, but I want to change, for good.

The Girl Uninspired