How Do I Motivate Thee?

Or, do I first need to motivate me? My biggest problem, being depressed, is that I can not find a way to motivate myself, to do pretty much anything. Though, some days, I do have a spurt of motivation, many days, I do pretty much, nothing. It is this frustrating roller coaster of wanting to do things, and not, and I want off.
It is not like I have not tried to find a way to motivate myself, it is just very hard to find an effective way, that lasts long. At night, I put a post-it note on my alarm, of something to look foreward to the next day. But, some nights it is hard to think of a good then, then it is other nights. Some nights, the only thing that I can think will be good the next day, is that I will get a hug from my mom. That makes me feel pathetic.
I must admit that mom is the person who works the hardest to help motivate me.
My mom tries so hard to help me, and I will always be greatful for her. On the days I am most down, laying on the floor, half paying attention to what Prince Caspian is saying, or how many times Hermione glares at Ron, she grabs her fork lift and tries to pick me up off the ground. Her and I stop everything, well it is mostly her dropping things, and we play a board game or card game. We bend the rules and play for fun, not caring if she beats me in scrabble by ten points or if I beat her at canasta by fifty.
I realized, thanks to the therapist, that any motivation I had, came from an unhelpful source. All of my previous motivation seemed to come from trying to not get my father mad at me. It was as though I tip-toed around him, and worked hard only when it seemed like it would make him happy, which it did not do.
But now I am trying to find motivation for me, I am trying to live for me. I am the only me I have.

The Girl Uninspired.