I am Fat.

Before you try and say, 'oh no, you are not fat,' I have something to tell you. Fat is a synonym for Obese. I am obese. Ergo, I am fat.
I am not trying to use it as an excuse for my depression, on the contrary, I want to use it. I lack self-confidence, and self-esteem, I always have. I want to become 'less fat,' healthy. Just think, if I lost weight, I would feel better, and look better and that would boost my confidence, and reduce some of my stress and social anxiety. Like, I do not like to eat infront of people, because it makes me think that they are assuming that I am a fat pig.
I put myself down a lot, which has a lot to do with my weight. I kind of laugh and joke, going 'atleast you are not fat like me,' and calling myself 'repulsive.' But, a big part of me knows that I am fat and ugly and repulsive. No one has ever called me fat directly, but one of the worst days of my life was when a boy on my bus last year told me that, I could not be a vegetarian, because vegetarians were supposed to be skinny. I then flipped him off, got off the bus and ran into the house and cried for an hour.
Since that boy said what he did, eating makes me feel guilty, and I have even more social anxieties then I already had. I feel as though people are whispering behind my back, about how fat and gross I am, and I do not like sitting in the back of the room, because it can be hard to squeeze between desks without moving them.
So I am going to lose weight. Right now, I weigh 161 Pounds. I will run more, eat healthier and drink less soda. I will eat less crap food and not after 7 PM. I want to feel better about myself. It will take some time, but I have too. I need to stop using food as a crutch, because It does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse. Any insight, help or suggestions would be greatly appreciate. I can not do this alone.

The Girl Uninspired.