In my opinion, the world would be a better place, if everyone gave everyone else more hugs. It is not that I think we should all start jumping on each other, and cheating and lying in relationships. I just know that, if every day was Hug 'Me' day, I would be a lot happier. It is not that I think hugs are the niftiest things around, or I need human contact. It is that when I am getting a hug, I feel important, like someone cares about me. I have caring parents, and great friends who think of me and try to cheer me up, but sometimes it does not feel like much.
I come from a loving family. I have a mom and a dad, one set of surviving Grandparents, 5 Aunts and Uncles, and four cousins. Then, you have the friends of mom that are close enough to being blood realated, that they are treated as such. But, even with so many people around me, who I know care for me deeply, I still feel alone. I have so much of my own 'alone time,' I start to just crave attention. I just get the feeling as though no one wants to see me, and crawl up in a play, praying that someone would care enough to come and spend time with me. I am like a new puppy; if you leave them alone long enough, they can become destructive.
But, I do not become destructive. I do not chew pillows, or piss on the furnature, or rip up curtains. I just lose any shred of motivation I had left. We have pets up the wazoo; a dog, birds, cats- even a crayfish named puppy. But it still is not enough. I need human contact. This only child needs school to keep her spirits up. I may hate a lot of the people there, and they may like to laugh at me, but, atleast when I am at school, I do not feel so, alone.
So, if you know an only child, or someone who is depressed, or lives by themselves, Give them a hug. :)
The Girl Uninspired.
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
October 1, 2009
September 25, 2009
Different People have Different Symptoms
When talking to the people I know, if you mention depression, they automatically think of people who are suicidal. Yes, people who are depressed may be suicidal, but it is not the only symptom. I will not be telling all of the kids at school that I am depressed, because of this initial thought that depression equals suicide, and vice versa. My close friends know, because they do not jump to conclusions, but other people, not so much.
My symptoms are not that I have thoughts of suicide, or I try to hurt myself. My symptoms are totally different, all centered around motivation and energy, or a lack there of. I can not get up in the morning, because I see no point, nothing to look forward too. I have very little energy to do things, most of the time. I find the things I love; drawing, reading and writing- less enjoyable, and I do them less. I feel alone almost all of the time, even when I am with large groups of people, and friends. And, I have social anxieties, like I am afraid I will get embarassed, and I fear rejection.
I have not met another person, offline, who has admitted that they were depressed- but I know that some of the people I know are in fact depressed, diagnosed or not. Many people are depressed, but show few signs to other people.
I think more people need to learn about depression, so they stop making assumptions, and those who are depressed are more likely to get what they need. Like feelings of importants, support and hope.
Are you depressed? What symptoms do you have? Do you know someone who is depressed?
The Girl Uninspired.
My symptoms are not that I have thoughts of suicide, or I try to hurt myself. My symptoms are totally different, all centered around motivation and energy, or a lack there of. I can not get up in the morning, because I see no point, nothing to look forward too. I have very little energy to do things, most of the time. I find the things I love; drawing, reading and writing- less enjoyable, and I do them less. I feel alone almost all of the time, even when I am with large groups of people, and friends. And, I have social anxieties, like I am afraid I will get embarassed, and I fear rejection.
I have not met another person, offline, who has admitted that they were depressed- but I know that some of the people I know are in fact depressed, diagnosed or not. Many people are depressed, but show few signs to other people.
I think more people need to learn about depression, so they stop making assumptions, and those who are depressed are more likely to get what they need. Like feelings of importants, support and hope.
Are you depressed? What symptoms do you have? Do you know someone who is depressed?
The Girl Uninspired.
September 22, 2009
Does Mental instability lead to Physical instability, or Vice Versa?
One word that describes me very well, would be 'Clumsy.' I have always been a very clumsy person; running into walls, tripping up stairs, falling over invisible objects. But, I wonder if Mental Instability, like depression or other mental imbalances, make this worse. I could be paranoid, or maybe looking for a reason why I fall ALL THE TIME, or the worse I feel, the worse I stumble around.
For example, the last time I yelled at my mother, I felt like a terrible person, and I ened up tripping up the stairs on the way to my room, and then ran into the door, because I did not turn the door nob enough before trying to walk through it. And last year in school, I ended up arguing with an old 'friend' and then smashed my face when I opened my locker during passing time.
But then again, I guess I could just cluts-out more when I have raging emotion. I have a tendancy to trip when I am skipping around, due to joyous reasons, and when I am having a hell of a good time in band, I have poked my eye out more then once with my mouth peice.
Now I am not so sure. Any Thoughts?
The Girl Uninspired.
For example, the last time I yelled at my mother, I felt like a terrible person, and I ened up tripping up the stairs on the way to my room, and then ran into the door, because I did not turn the door nob enough before trying to walk through it. And last year in school, I ended up arguing with an old 'friend' and then smashed my face when I opened my locker during passing time.
But then again, I guess I could just cluts-out more when I have raging emotion. I have a tendancy to trip when I am skipping around, due to joyous reasons, and when I am having a hell of a good time in band, I have poked my eye out more then once with my mouth peice.
Now I am not so sure. Any Thoughts?
The Girl Uninspired.
September 19, 2009
Anger Is Definatly Not Helpful
I get discouraged really easily, and I did this well before I showed any symptoms of depression. But now that I am depressed, my quick temper seems to make everything much worse. It is though I have lost any control of my emotions, and no longer can keep them in check. Not only does this make me feel terrible, but it has started to put a toll on all of my relationships with people.
I have four best friends who I go to school with, and I have two others who I call my long-distance best friends. I have more then four friends in school, but I am quickly losing them. I used to be able to hold my tongue and all of my sarcastic comments. But now, it is though, the second they start to complain or whine, I jump on them. I have become so much more irritable, and I do not know how to change. I am afraid that, if I can not change, and control my temper better, I may end high school with no friends.
What is even worse then how I over-react and get mad at my friends, is how I over-react and get very angry at my mother and father. I have yelled at my mother, causing her to get angry at me, and not talk to me. But, my biggest problem is when I clash with my father. We have a difference in opinion, and we go off. I have stoped trying to yell at him, or get him to see what I am trying to say. But after he yells at me, I am full of resentment, and I hold on to my anger. This clouds my judgment for the rest of the day, or week, and I do things to purposfully annoy him.
Yes, I hold a grudge. I do not know how to let things go. I can not be the only one who does this, can I? Do any of you have similar problems? Is anyone else really angry, all the time?
The Girl Uninspired
I have four best friends who I go to school with, and I have two others who I call my long-distance best friends. I have more then four friends in school, but I am quickly losing them. I used to be able to hold my tongue and all of my sarcastic comments. But now, it is though, the second they start to complain or whine, I jump on them. I have become so much more irritable, and I do not know how to change. I am afraid that, if I can not change, and control my temper better, I may end high school with no friends.
What is even worse then how I over-react and get mad at my friends, is how I over-react and get very angry at my mother and father. I have yelled at my mother, causing her to get angry at me, and not talk to me. But, my biggest problem is when I clash with my father. We have a difference in opinion, and we go off. I have stoped trying to yell at him, or get him to see what I am trying to say. But after he yells at me, I am full of resentment, and I hold on to my anger. This clouds my judgment for the rest of the day, or week, and I do things to purposfully annoy him.
Yes, I hold a grudge. I do not know how to let things go. I can not be the only one who does this, can I? Do any of you have similar problems? Is anyone else really angry, all the time?
The Girl Uninspired
September 7, 2009
Hello
Hello, interweb and all of it's inhabitants. I am a sixteen year old girl, and I live in the United States. I love to create, and want to share how I create, what I create and why I create, with all of you. I like to draw, and write and play music. But, I seem to have hit a road block. My inspiration is dwindling, and I seem to have to fight myself to try and do anything.
I was diagnosed with Depression this past summer, so everything has been a bit, well, hard. It started (I think) a few years back, freshman year of high school. My motivation began to decrease, along with a few grades, in the classes where more work is required. I have always been a pessimist, but my view on life, and other people, began to get increasingly more negative. I was unable to find a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I could not sleep at night, due to a restless mind. Well, and a big thing that disturbed my life, we willl call that thing 'X.' I met X freshman year, and I am sure that X is reason for many of my problems. It is not that I am looking for a scape goat, it is that X put me through my own personal hell.
Back to the Depression. While I have a clinical case, I have not, and shall never be, Suicidal. Luckily, I was brought up to be strong in my faith. And I fear pain. I have a tendancy to over think and make lists of pros and cons. On the top of the con list for suicide, you have 'Miss and live.' I am betting that it would hurt a lot. That, and I feel like Suicide is not only going against the rule, 'Thou shalt not kill,' but It is the Coward's way out. Then again, I have always had problems sympothizing with those who try to hurt or kill themselves. I guess I am not numb enough to understand. and I do not want to be.
So now you know that I am depressed, which is important to know, but Let me get to the point of this blog. I am an artistic person by nature. I thrive to create things, whether they be visual, or words or music, it does not matter. My problem is that, for me to create, I need to bring the passion back. I some times can not force myself to do anything other then laying around and watching the Harry Potter and Narnia movies over and over again. Or, sometimes I lay on my bedroom floor, doing nothing for hours. What I am trying to say is, I want to find a way to motivate myself. I want to feel important for once in my life. I want people to know me for me, and to look toward me for the support that I was never given. I want a connection that will help me reach my potential, even though there is a thick fog keeping me from seeing it, and myself. I do not know if I will change for the better, but I want to change, for good.
The Girl Uninspired
I was diagnosed with Depression this past summer, so everything has been a bit, well, hard. It started (I think) a few years back, freshman year of high school. My motivation began to decrease, along with a few grades, in the classes where more work is required. I have always been a pessimist, but my view on life, and other people, began to get increasingly more negative. I was unable to find a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I could not sleep at night, due to a restless mind. Well, and a big thing that disturbed my life, we willl call that thing 'X.' I met X freshman year, and I am sure that X is reason for many of my problems. It is not that I am looking for a scape goat, it is that X put me through my own personal hell.
Back to the Depression. While I have a clinical case, I have not, and shall never be, Suicidal. Luckily, I was brought up to be strong in my faith. And I fear pain. I have a tendancy to over think and make lists of pros and cons. On the top of the con list for suicide, you have 'Miss and live.' I am betting that it would hurt a lot. That, and I feel like Suicide is not only going against the rule, 'Thou shalt not kill,' but It is the Coward's way out. Then again, I have always had problems sympothizing with those who try to hurt or kill themselves. I guess I am not numb enough to understand. and I do not want to be.
So now you know that I am depressed, which is important to know, but Let me get to the point of this blog. I am an artistic person by nature. I thrive to create things, whether they be visual, or words or music, it does not matter. My problem is that, for me to create, I need to bring the passion back. I some times can not force myself to do anything other then laying around and watching the Harry Potter and Narnia movies over and over again. Or, sometimes I lay on my bedroom floor, doing nothing for hours. What I am trying to say is, I want to find a way to motivate myself. I want to feel important for once in my life. I want people to know me for me, and to look toward me for the support that I was never given. I want a connection that will help me reach my potential, even though there is a thick fog keeping me from seeing it, and myself. I do not know if I will change for the better, but I want to change, for good.
The Girl Uninspired
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