I was born to a man and a woman. After me, they had no more children, just many many pets. So, this means I am an only child. I hate being an only child.
I get terribly lonely a lot, since my parents both tend to sleep during the day, mom because the hours she works, and dad because he is in poor health. And by the time they are up, I have shut myself in my room, and totally immersed myself in my creative pursuits. And it is very difficult for me to pull myself away for any artistic thing I am working on.
Also, when one is mad at me, the other seems to be always asleep. So, if dad will not even look at me, mom is asleep and I have no one to talk to, so I feel terribly isolated.
There is only one solution. Who wants to share one of their siblings?
The Girl Uninspired
Showing posts with label Lonely. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lonely. Show all posts
October 25, 2009
October 10, 2009
An Idle Mind Becomes a Sad One
When I am bored, or can not find something to do, my depression levels increase greatly. It is not when I am sitting in class, stairing at the clock, because I just doodle then or talk to a classmate who is sitting close to me. No, It is when I am at home, alone, laying on the floor, doing nothing.
When I do nothing, I do not feel nothing. When I do nothing, I feel like there is nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, nothing to have passion for. I stop thinking of things that I want to create in my head, and I tend to 'crawl inside myself,' hiding from emotion and feeling, other then pity and sadness. I wallow in such feelings, engross myself in such emotions. I do so, until nothing feels good, and I feel cold, frozen on the inside.
It takes a lot to pull my idle self out of my head. Much prodding, and obnoxious over-zealous hugs are normally in order. And I need someone or something to distract me from feeling so terrible. Even something as simple and my mom and I playing Canasta or Scrabble helps to pull me out of it.
But, I want to be able to get out, all by myself. I want to be a 'big girl.' I just do not know how. How do you do it? How do you go, day after day, with no real positives to look forward too, without crawling back in and locking the door? How do you break down that door once it is locked? Where can I find the key?
The Girl Uninspired
When I do nothing, I do not feel nothing. When I do nothing, I feel like there is nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, nothing to have passion for. I stop thinking of things that I want to create in my head, and I tend to 'crawl inside myself,' hiding from emotion and feeling, other then pity and sadness. I wallow in such feelings, engross myself in such emotions. I do so, until nothing feels good, and I feel cold, frozen on the inside.
It takes a lot to pull my idle self out of my head. Much prodding, and obnoxious over-zealous hugs are normally in order. And I need someone or something to distract me from feeling so terrible. Even something as simple and my mom and I playing Canasta or Scrabble helps to pull me out of it.
But, I want to be able to get out, all by myself. I want to be a 'big girl.' I just do not know how. How do you do it? How do you go, day after day, with no real positives to look forward too, without crawling back in and locking the door? How do you break down that door once it is locked? Where can I find the key?
The Girl Uninspired
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