I'm quite odd now, since my old best friend is now friends with my circle of friends. It was one thing when I introduced her to them all, but now it's like I'm not even there. Now, I get to be paranoid that they like her better, are turning them against me, and that I no longer have a place. Well, I have never felt as though I had a permanent place, but when she's around I feel more likely to be the next monkey pushed off the bed.
I can't just tell my friends to no longer associate with her. They've a class with her, and get along with her. Plus, our falling out started with me telling her that it was me, or the guy she tried to set me up with, and then fell in like with. But I want to so bad. Ultimatums aren't the smartest thing, but then I'd stop doubting. But, I sincerely doubt I'd stop being so insecure.
I'm pretty sure part of my issue is my lack of a solid best friend. That's what she was, choosing me over her other friends, hanging with me all the time. Her family was pretty much the only thing she chose over me. I've never had that. I've been the best friend in school, or best friend until someone better came along. I want loyalty and trust, and I want it fully right now. I'm impatient.
TL;DR- Ex-Biffle is friends with my friends. It ties my stomach in knots.
TGU
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
December 16, 2010
November 3, 2009
Friends Mean A Lot
I am not talking about the twelve people at a lunch table, or the kids in the half of the classroom you sit in. I am talking about the friends you can tell everything too, and who tell you everyone. Those who understand why some friends annoy you, and those who know why they annoy you; but do it anyway, because they know you will always love them. I have one of those.
Well, the more that I think about it, I may have two. But, the number does not matter. But, the one I am sure of, she is my rock. We talk about everything, make each other laugh. We have hugged the other when they were crying and laughed with them on the good days. If it was not for her, I would not be in the state of mind I am in.
My state of mind is defiantly not the best, but it could be worse.
I guess I am just saying, Hug your best friend.
TGU
Well, the more that I think about it, I may have two. But, the number does not matter. But, the one I am sure of, she is my rock. We talk about everything, make each other laugh. We have hugged the other when they were crying and laughed with them on the good days. If it was not for her, I would not be in the state of mind I am in.
My state of mind is defiantly not the best, but it could be worse.
I guess I am just saying, Hug your best friend.
TGU
October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween!
So, today is halloween, October 31st. And, tonight I am going trick-or-treating with my best friend, and a few acquaintances. I shall be a death eater (from harry potter.) and am Excited. For once.
I have very little to say, but have fun, and be safe. Very, very safe.
Good Tiding, and a Merry Christmas,
The Girl Uninspired
I have very little to say, but have fun, and be safe. Very, very safe.
Good Tiding, and a Merry Christmas,
The Girl Uninspired
October 12, 2009
October 12th, 2009
I wish there was a way to go back in time to yesterday. Yesterday, was great. I went to church with my best friend, it was different then my church, but it was nice all the same, I am even thinking about going with her again, next week. We hung out at her house, watched Wall-e, her parents cooked amazing food. And I had no responsibilities. It was my first real sleep over, and it was awesome.
Now, I am home. I really hate it here. I get lonely so easily, and practically lock myself in my room, to avoid my parents. I love them, but they are driving me nuts. I feel as though I am just slave labor to them.
Now, I have today off, to do loads of homework, that I did not get a chance to do this past weekend. Oh dear. Now, atoms....
The Girl Uninspired
Now, I am home. I really hate it here. I get lonely so easily, and practically lock myself in my room, to avoid my parents. I love them, but they are driving me nuts. I feel as though I am just slave labor to them.
Now, I have today off, to do loads of homework, that I did not get a chance to do this past weekend. Oh dear. Now, atoms....
The Girl Uninspired
October 7, 2009
They Are not Helping
When I say 'they,' I mean some of the people in my life. It is not like they are purposfully making things harder for me, I am pretty positive they are not plotting against me. It is just, sometimes, I do not know what I should do. I love my parents and my close friends, and I really like my other friends. Being around them just seems to put me down sometimes. I just can not seem to put a finger on why it feels like it does.
Let us start with my best friends. We are great together, laughing and yelling, singing and dancing, messing around. But, I look at them, and then myself, and start to feel terrible. It is like they are all so much better then I am, in so many ways. My one friend is a better Musician then I am, and is much more serious and true to her faith then me. And my other friend is prettier and friendlier, and more people like her. Did I mention that they are both athletes too? Yeah, their athletic ablilities are greater then mine as well, which makes me feel even worse about my fat self.
I have other friends then them too. The one seems like he is friends with everyone, which I am totally jealous of, having such terrible people skills. And there are the ones who are amazing artists and writers, who people take seriously as artists and writers. And yet, to almost everyone, I am a joke. And it pisses me off so much.
My parents make me feel terrible too. I love my mother and father, and I know I am lucky to have them both, but some times, I just wish they would leave me alone. My mother is in better shape then I, and when we go shopping, she will reference to: "when I was fat." Do you know what it is like to have a mother skinnier then you? It is terrible, especially when she is constantly rubbing it (indirectly) in your face. It is terrible. And then there is my father. It is like I have to tip toe around him, and do everything I can to not upset him, because if he is unhappy, then everyone is miserable. Just being around him, he who makes me feel like failure, makes me feel terrible.
So, what am I supposed to do, when I feel terrible around the people I care about, and my friends? It is not like I can leave. If I could leave, I would.
The Girl Uninspired
Let us start with my best friends. We are great together, laughing and yelling, singing and dancing, messing around. But, I look at them, and then myself, and start to feel terrible. It is like they are all so much better then I am, in so many ways. My one friend is a better Musician then I am, and is much more serious and true to her faith then me. And my other friend is prettier and friendlier, and more people like her. Did I mention that they are both athletes too? Yeah, their athletic ablilities are greater then mine as well, which makes me feel even worse about my fat self.
I have other friends then them too. The one seems like he is friends with everyone, which I am totally jealous of, having such terrible people skills. And there are the ones who are amazing artists and writers, who people take seriously as artists and writers. And yet, to almost everyone, I am a joke. And it pisses me off so much.
My parents make me feel terrible too. I love my mother and father, and I know I am lucky to have them both, but some times, I just wish they would leave me alone. My mother is in better shape then I, and when we go shopping, she will reference to: "when I was fat." Do you know what it is like to have a mother skinnier then you? It is terrible, especially when she is constantly rubbing it (indirectly) in your face. It is terrible. And then there is my father. It is like I have to tip toe around him, and do everything I can to not upset him, because if he is unhappy, then everyone is miserable. Just being around him, he who makes me feel like failure, makes me feel terrible.
So, what am I supposed to do, when I feel terrible around the people I care about, and my friends? It is not like I can leave. If I could leave, I would.
The Girl Uninspired
September 12, 2009
September 12th, 2009
Today, I hung out with friends and felt wonderful. I mean, I seem most of them five days a week, but I forgot how great it was to be with them, and not have to worry about being myself. I can get crazy and loud, and let loose. I got to laugh and joke and be weird. It was amazing.
I was up at seven thirty, which meant I was half an hour late, but I got moving quickly, so I avoided trouble. And I went shopping with mom, for a gift for my friend. We picked up another friend of mine and went to the party. We played Guitar hero and Zelda and Mario Cart. We were loud and obnoxious, yelling "Press A!" or "Fight the flying thing-y!" I ate more then I normally do in a week, and got to meet someone I had only heard stories of and talk to online; she was even more awesome then I expected.
Today was a good day, I felt happy. Here hoping for some more awesome good days.
The Girl Uninspired.
I was up at seven thirty, which meant I was half an hour late, but I got moving quickly, so I avoided trouble. And I went shopping with mom, for a gift for my friend. We picked up another friend of mine and went to the party. We played Guitar hero and Zelda and Mario Cart. We were loud and obnoxious, yelling "Press A!" or "Fight the flying thing-y!" I ate more then I normally do in a week, and got to meet someone I had only heard stories of and talk to online; she was even more awesome then I expected.
Today was a good day, I felt happy. Here hoping for some more awesome good days.
The Girl Uninspired.
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