December 14th, 2010

Day two of remembering this blog exists. Not only that, but the second 'fantastical' day in a row. It's odd, I've felt so terrible the past two months, but these past two days. Man, I don't get it. Maybe blogging is good luck? And yet, at the same time, I get home and start to feel terrible again. The destructive habit I wanted to bring upon myse

October 28th, 2009

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. School and parents, and trying to improve at the arts, an balancing chores and homework and fun. It is hard.
I am not liking Hard very much.

TGU

October 22nd, 2009

I got my braces off yesterday, and because of that, I am still 'High on Life.' Yeah, it is cheesy, but seems true, in my case. Today was not that grand, and I will be grounded once father sees my progress report, but I no longer have metal in my mouth.
And I have been talking with a different boy. He does not mood swing. And is nice.
But, I will not just tell him I like him and walk away. I learned my lesson.

The girl Uninspired

October 18th, 2009

I have felt really terrible today, mostly thanks to my parents. They are driving me nuts. First, I woke up to my mother yelling at me for taking a half hour to get up, and then my father yelling at me and giving me so many chores to do. He would not even let me go to church with my friend.
So, I spend most of the day cleaning and working on things in the house, while the two of them slept on the couch all day. I do not remember the last time I was so angry. I was cleaning up their messes, doing what they wanted, and yet nothing was good enough.
I cried today, I was so angry. And I hate to cry. FML

Girl Uninspired

October 14th, 2009

I have been terribly moody recently, and I am trying to figure out why. I feel just odd and roller coasting and it is driving me nuts. I just feel like crap and I have no clue what is causing it. And I do not feel like doing anything but drawing. I am falling back into the old habbits. I am afriad I will not be able to get out of them.

The Girl Uninspired

October 12th, 2009

I wish there was a way to go back in time to yesterday. Yesterday, was great. I went to church with my best friend, it was different then my church, but it was nice all the same, I am even thinking about going with her again, next week. We hung out at her house, watched Wall-e, her parents cooked amazing food. And I had no responsibilities. It was my first real sleep over, and it was awesome.
Now, I am home. I really hate it here. I get lonely so easily, and practically lock myself in my room, to avoid my parents. I love them, but they are driving me nuts. I feel as though I am just slave labor to them.
Now, I have today off, to do loads of homework, that I did not get a chance to do this past weekend. Oh dear. Now, atoms....

The Girl Uninspired

October 8th, 2009

I am free, for four days. Our school has us all on a four day weekend, which could not have come at a better time. The male; let us just say, it is his loss and be done with that. School, I feel as though I am doing terribly, hence the gaps in daily posts, caused by my attempt to do homework... sometimes.
I just feel pretty 'blah' in general. We (as in me, my mom and my therapist) do not know why, but, we are trying to think of things that could make me feel better. And less lonely.
Off to 'do homework.'

The Girl Uninspired

October 5th, 2009

I am going to apologize now. The majority of this blog will be about the same thing Saturday's was- The boy.
I woke up to a rough start, having to wear clothes I did not want to wear, almost missing the bus. And then I had  to work with him in English. We were a group of four, but I ended up getting on his nerves. I did not do it on purpose, but it is much easier for me to talk with someone when we are both angry.
I saw him in the halls a few times the rest of the day, and then after school, I did what I have always been afraid to do. I talked with my friend, whose locker is next to his. And when she left, we had a short conversation.
"Can I talk to you?" I asked him.
"Okay," he said.
"But you have to promise not to tell anyone."
"Sure."
"And do not laugh."
"Okay..."
"I like you," I said, and then turned down the hall and went to the art room to work on my project. I only saw his face out of the corner of my eye- but he looked stunned.
I know he does not like me, but it was good to get it off my chest. Now, I have to worry about how badly tomorrow will go.

The Girl Uninspired

October 3rd, 2009

Today was, well, a very so-so kind of day. We had the parade and then the homecoming football game. I am in marching band, so I was at the school at 11:45 and the game started at 3. Marching was fine, and I had some of my friends there, so it was not to bad. Then, I went to watch the last half of the game.

I met a few of my friends at the field in the middle of the third quarter. We were laughing and joking, until I saw him. This boy, who I have liked since, it feels like, forever. We ended up watching the game from 3 feet down the fence. And I spoke only to him once, at the end. And I messed up my football lingo. And sounded like an idiot.

This is what I dwell upon. It is not like he likes me anyway, and I had a kick ass day. We joked, and danced around and were goofy band kids. But the boy is all I can think about.

Damn him and his sexy.

The Girl Uninspired. 

October 1st, 2009

I am still terribly Mood-swing-gy. But, I refuse to believe that it is 'PMS.' It seems like a load of crap to me... except cramps, those I believe in. I am terribly sore and stiff, not that I really have a reason to be so. I am teetering on the brink of blocks: writer's, musician's and artist's. I thought I was full of inspiration and ideas, but they are draining from my mind quicker then smoke from between your fingers. I have no clue what to do.
In other news, I am still terribly fat. Motivation has left me even faster then ideas. I keep spending my time daydreaming, of days free of responsibilities, and wonderful things I want, but know I can never have; like talent, my father to understand me, the boy I like to like me back, and better grades. But, alas, nothing will change, unless I work to change it... and that does not seem very likely.

The Girl Uninspired.

September 30th, 2009

Right now, I feel absolutly good. I am at school, sitting between some of my best friends, sending each other obnoxious messages from two computers down. I have no clue how the rest of the day will go- it is only second period. But, right now, I am totally content. I am going to try and be optimistic for the rest of the day. And hope to avoid the mood swings.

The Girl Uninspired.

September 29th, 2009

I fear that I am going through 'Mood swings.' It is not intentional (I doubt they ever are) and it is driving me mad. My mood changes so rapidly, that I can experience four different emotions in one class period of forty-six minutes. I have no clue why, and it is annoying.
I stated this drawing about a week ago, and I have no real urge to finish it. I promised it for someone, so I have too, I just can not make myself. It looks good so far, I just lack the motivation.
School is similar in the lack of motivation. Maybe, one day, I will be really motivated for once.
I can not wait for that day.

The Girl Uninspired.

September 26th, 2009

It is times like these, where I kind of fear that I am not progressing or just plateauing. I fear that I am going backward in my attempts at being a happy, healthy person, who is not hurt by her depression. At school, my emotions seem to be on a roller coaster, one moment I am happy, the next I want to curl up in a ball and sob. Even my friends are starting drive me nuts, and I do not know why. What am I doing wrong? I want to be right, for once.

The Girl Uninspired

September 23rd, 2009

I had a very, well not bad, but not good day? It started with getting yelled at in the morning, even though I did my chores. Then, we had a very upset best friend, forgotten homework and lots of rushing around and not being happy. Add that to a not bad but not good quiz grade or two, and add me and my father being sick. Yeah, that was my day.
Not terribly eventful, but I did run today. I still feel sick and my breathing is impaired, but I was only seven seconds off of my mile time from the last time I ran, the 15th, so I guess it was not to bad. Now I am off to shower and try to sleep. Yay, sleep.

The Girl Uninspired.

September 22nd, 2009

I am still in a remarkably happy mood today. Why, I do not know. I am not complaining, but I would really like to know what has gotten my spirits up, so I can keep them up. I may be mentally happy, but physically, I still feel like crap. Fun fact, being sick and sweating with a fever that seems almost constant, and eating less has caused me to lose three pounds. It is nice, but seriously, I can not loose it on my own, I need to get sick? This just pisses me off. I want to lose the weight, by myself. I want to be able to make myself better. I am just so frustrated.

The Girl Uninspired.

September 21st, 2009

Today I was in a good mood all through school and since I have been home. It's been hours and I have written and drawn and talk to friends. I haven't accomplished much, but I feel as though I had a good day.

September 20th, 2009

Alas, I am still Ill with some sort of flu-thing. But it is okay, I guess. I got my laptop back, after many months of grounding from it. And yesterday, I did some work around the house, so I may get a bonus for that. Yay?
I still feel really blah, but I have written a few hundred words, and have started a drawing of Fenrir Greyback, so I guess progress is good. Gosh, I feel sick

The Girl Uninspired

September 18th, 2009

I am still sick, but doing my best not to really 'feel' it. I did go to school, and I payed attention, instead of crawling in a ball in my oversized green hoodie after drawing. I do have a blankie, I have had it since I was a baby, but my security blanket definatly seems to be my hoodie. It is terribly stretched out, but in it I feel warm and safe. I do not feel warm and safe as much as (I think) I should.
Appart from my suden cold-like symptoms, there really is nothing new in my life. It is a shame really, I would love some adventure. I have no plans for Saturday or Sunday, other then cleaning and 'doing homework,' so I have no idea how it will go.
And, Rachel: Thanks, I am praying for you too, Sister :)

The Girl Uninspired.

September 17th, 2009

Today I have felt like crap. But, for once it is physically and not just mentally. I always feel like mental crap, but now I get to really FEEL the pain. Not that it is a good thing, but it is a change. Change means less boring.
I went to see my therapist yesterday, and I was really upbeat and happy. I talked about positive changes that have gone on in my life, how I am working to improve myself. But, then I got home, and felt terrible again. Part of me wonders if I do not want to get better. Why, is beyond me, but I guess I do not know.
It figures that I get sick right after I decide to get healthy. Not only is sick the opposite of healthy, all I do when I am sick is lay around and sniff my nose. Hopefully sleep will lead to healing.

The Girl Uninspired

September 15th, 2009

I have had a fourth good day at school. So, four down and 176 days to go. I have this terrible feeling that I will soon get introuble and everything is going to go to hell. It is like a dark cloud looming overhead. But, I should try to ignore said cloud, and focus on the good things, like how I like my teachers, and joined a club. The new kid is gay (which is a waste, since he is so sexy. Oh well, he is still nice) but I still get to play bassoon and he is a really nice guy, so that is okay.
On a very happy note, on of the story collaberations I am working on with an internet friend of mine has begun. We worked on the prologue together and we will start alternating writing the chapters. I am so excited. And I have been uploading drawings. I am being productive. Why, I do not know. But I will take it anyway.

The Girl Uninspired.